Ever since we had a family tragedy right at Christmas, I have been acutely aware that the holiday season is not joyful for everyone. There are many who do their best to simply endure the holiday. Their hearts are not filled with joy but with sadness and heartache. Let me give you some examples;
Any or all of these people may find Christmas to be more of a holiday to "survive" than to celebrate. However, this doesn't have to be the case.
Do you realize that the first Christmas was celebrated in less than ideals circumstances too? Put yourself in the shoes of Mary and Joseph. Imagine how you would have wanted to celebrate the birth of your child . . . God's child. You would have wanted to be home, in a clean environment, surrounded by your family and friends. Instead you are far away from home, in a cold, drafty stable, surrounded not by friends but by animals. This is certainly not the way you imagined the birth taking place. It would have been tempting to be discouraged and depressed if you were Mary and Joseph, wouldn't it?
However, we see a different picture in the stable. The Shepherds gather, the angels sing, the animals gather round. It is a most unique celebration to be sure . . . but a celebration nonetheless.
Your situation may be difficult. Memories may be overpowering you. You may be feeling rejected, unappreciated, isolated . . . but you can know a measure of joy this season.
Listen to these words that Jesus applied to Himself,
(Isa 61:1-4 NIV) The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Do you understand? The whole point of Christ's coming into the world that first Christmas was to reach out to the hurting. He has come because He cares about the brokenness of our hearts and lives. The Lord is less concerned with the tinsel, the lights, the presents than He is about the pain that rips at your heart.
Christmas is for you, my friend. It is God's bold move to embrace you and to heal you.
There is nothing in the Bible that tells us that loss won't hurt. There is no promise that pain will not crush our lives. In the letter to the Thessalonians, however, listen to what Paul says,
(1 Thess 4:13, NIV) Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.
It appears that the believers in Thessalonica were getting depressed every time people talked about the second coming of the Lord. They kept thinking about those who had already died. They were afraid that their friends might have missed out on the glory of that day.
Notice, Paul does not tell them not to grieve. Grief is natural and appropriate when we have lost something or someone. Paul does tell them to put their grief in perspective. In the midst of our sadness and grief we must remember that we have a hope (in Christ) that tempers our grief. Because of the Christ's entry, life, death, and resurrection in our world we now know that there is life beyond this life. We know that there is a plan beyond the circumstances that threaten us. We know there is an unseen strength to sustain us. We know there is a loving God to provide for us. Sure, we hurt. But the hurt is tempered with hope. That hope is because of Christmas.
Many of you have heard the story before, but for those who haven't . . . The year after my aunt died on Christmas Eve, and my Grandfather had died a few years earlier, we gathered for the family Christmas. Everyone was cheerful and brave. No one mentioned sadness, only joy. We were all very careful to avoid mentioning names that would upset people.
I was asked to say the table grace (as the resident Pastor) and I began, "O Lord, we are grateful for the gift of your Son. We are also grateful you have given us each other. Today we are acutely aware of the empty seats at our table and we feel an emptiness . . . " At that moment the tears began to flow around the table. My words had lanced the boil of grief and the pain came out.
But do you know what was the most revealing part of the experience? It was the fact that people said, "I thought I was the only one who was missing them." And from that moment on our Christmas celebration was filled with warm and rich memories of Christmas's past. We mentioned their names often. There were tears but it was a sadness that was shared. It was a memory that was cherished.
You see, in our effort to be "strong" and to appear "together" we sometimes cut ourselves off from some of the greatest blessings God gives: Shared memories. I contend that there are others who would embrace you if they knew of your feelings of isolation. There are those who would share your grief with memories of their own. There are others who feel that a loved one has been forgotten since no one mentions them. There are those who would make you part of their own family if they knew you would be alone. We will never find the help we need if we aren't honest about what those needs are.
Paul tells us in Philippians,
(Phil. 4:8) whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Paul reminds us that we can control what and how we think. We need to take charge of our thinking.
Do you understand that the difference between a joyful Christmas and a painful Christmas is sometimes the difference in attitude that we choose? Choose to see the blessing.
Let's be honest, when pain strikes your life (in whatever form) it is tough to celebrate like those who have no pain. You don't have to pretend nothing has changed. Find the things you can celebrate and then rejoice. Maybe you need to get out some home movies or videos and celebrate the joy that has filled your life in the past. Maybe you need to tour your home and remember the gifts of the past. Maybe you need to celebrate the life that is in your grandchildren even though you feel like a piece of you is missing.
Most of all, even though the circumstances are difficult . . . you can still celebrate the one who delivered you from the circumstances. You can celebrate the entry into the world of the one who has set you free from hopelessness. You can celebrate the Jesus who upholds you and has transformed you . . . even though your circumstances are less than ideal. You can sing Him songs of praise. You can lift up the one who cared about your pain and did something to bring healing. You can sing about the one who is planning an eternal reunion for all those who have died in Him. There is a reason for joy for the believer. Even in the midst of sadness.
Friend, is your heart heavy this Christmas? Are you hoping to survive the season? Do you dread the carols, the presents, the smiling faces? Do you feel the world is moving on fast forward and you are moving in slow motion?
Do you understand the message of Christmas? Have you received the one who came to bring you life? Have you responded to the Savior's simple invitation? "Come unto me, and I will give you rest."? If you haven't, why not do so today. Make this Christmas the one where you met the guest of honor. Make this the year you receive the gift of life the Savior offers. In the quiet of your heart, confess your need for a Savior and receive the one who reached out to you.
Are you already a believer? Then my friend, turn your focus to the way the Savior changes your approach to heartache. Celebrate the difference he makes in your life. Be honest about the pain and grab hold to the promises He has given.
And for those who don't understand this idea of a painful Christmas . . . open your eyes. Watch for the sad face, the eye that wells up with tears, the person who seems to withdraw. Look careful. And when you see someone who hurts, gently love them. Listen, understand, and be their friend. One of the greatest blessings of Christmas is that Christ not only came to give us eternal life through His sacrifice . . . He also came to give us each other.