Kyle Johnson
December 5, 2002
[Tim Lafferty’s Comments]
It is difficult at a time like this to look past the tragic event that
has brought us together today. Probably
some of you who maybe didn’t know Kyle as well as others will always associate
the mention of his name with what happened last Sunday night. That is truly unfortunate.
I would hope that our focus would be less on how Kyle died but more
importantly about how he lived. While
his death leaves many questions unanswered, his life was unquestionably
special. Kyle was only with us for a short time and yet it is obvious by the outpouring
of emotions here today that he made a big impact on those of us he came in
contact with.
I was fortunate enough to know Kyle throughout his teenage years. As a teacher and a coach I got to see him in
a variety of situations. On the surface
Kyle seemed to be this polite reserved young man who was a very good student, a
leader in FFA, and a dedicated football player. But to those who really knew him, Kyle Johnson was much more than
that.
To his parents Kyle was their devoted and loving son. With his father
there was a special bond. They were
best pals who shared a love of farming. To his mother he was her little boy,
now growing up to be a fine young man.
They knew he was special and they were right.
To his sisters, Kyle was their loyal and considerate, although
sometimes mischievous brother. Like any siblings they sometimes disagreed, but
they knew they could always count on him when needed. To his younger sister, Kristina, he was a hero. Her big, strong brother who could do almost
anything.
To his friends he was K.J. or simply Kyle. He had an easy manner that
made you feel welcome right away. If
you knew Kyle, you were his friend because he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Kyle was kind and caring and quick with a smile. His eyes would light up when he teased you
good naturedly, and he would blush, but loved it, when you teased him.
Kyle was passionate about farming.
It was in his blood and he loved everything about it. He grew up wanting to plant corn and raise
cattle, and never grew out of it. He
loved both the simple pleasures of life on the farm and the long hours of hard
work that often went with it.
Kyle was quiet and thoughtful. He was a great listener because he
actually listened to you rather than just waiting for his turn to speak. Many of his friends confided in him with
their problems and he always made time for them. They knew he truly cared and would not judge them for their
mistakes.
Kyle was a leader, for his class and the FFA. His honesty and integrity made those around him know that he could
be trusted to get the job done. Kyle
was Chapter President of the FFA and a class officer, because he had the
ability to get people to work together.
He also knew how to offer his opinion without tromping on the opinions
of others. He was respected because he
treated others with respect.
Kyle was a Thunder football player. He was not the biggest or the
fastest player on the team, but his dedication, work ethic and commitment were
respected by both his teammates and the coaches. He may not have been a great player, but he was a great teammate.
Kyle was a doer and not a complainer. He always pitched in when there
was work to be done. He was the type of
person who would try to make things better rather than sitting around and
complaining about what wasn’t fair or right.
Kyle was a perfectionist in many ways.
He always strived to do his very best in the classroom and it showed in
his grades and in the scholarships that he earned. It also showed in how neat and clean he kept his vehicles. A cleaner truck was never seen in the
parking lot at LHS.
Kyle loved the outdoors. He
loved to hunt, fish, and ride 4-wheelers and do the other typical things that
young guys like to do. He also liked
spending time with his friends who shared those same interests, and they would
talk endlessly about their hunting adventures.
It just goes to show Kyle wasn’t always as quiet as he seemed.
Kyle was fun-loving and mischievous.
He liked to stay up all night with his friends at the 4-H fairs and
scope out the girls at FFA activities and ballgames. He once shot a turkey hen illegally and made his friends swear a
vow of secrecy. Sorry, I guess I
shouldn’t have mentioned that.
Kyle Johnson was all of these things and much more. I don’t know if his parents preached the
Golden Rule to him or not, but I do know that his lived his life that way. In my 20 years in education, I have never
known a student more universally liked and respected than Kyle Johnson. I never heard a mean word about him and I
never heard him utter a mean word about someone else.
I know that we are all saddened by the loss of a true friend and a
special young man. Yet we need to
remember how fortunate and blessed we were to know Kyle Johnson. It’s my hope that when we think about Kyle
it will be about how he lived and not how he died. That your memories of him will be of that cheerful smile that he
shared so often. Maybe all of us can
learn a lesson from Kyle and try to share our own smiles more often. Wouldn’t that be a tremendous tribute to
him. God Bless you Kyle.
[These are Bruce’s remarks at the funeral]
Kyle Johnson was a remarkable young man. He was a quiet leader. He led, not by force, but by character and
example. He brought people together
because he was able to see beyond himself.
He worked hard because he wanted to do his best and was eager to help
others. He had a wonderful sense of
humor and was able to disarm a room full of people with his ever-present
smile. Kyle Johnson was a friend’s
friend. He was the guy who would be
there for you when no one else was around.
Kyle possessed an uncommon humility.
Everybody who knew Kyle Johnson, liked him.
Coach Lafferty has shared some great snapshots of Kyle’s
life. Pastor Greg is going to talk to
you about our hope in the time of sadness.
And I want to talk to you about some nagging questions we face
today. Kyle was a great young man . . .
. and that is exactly why the way he died is so confusing to us.
Kyle Johnson is the last person we would ever think would
commit suicide. He was one of the most
“together” people we have ever known.
How could this happen?
I feel I have to address a question that everyone thinks
about but no one asks: “What happens to a person who commits suicide?” “What happens to this person after death?”
The church has always taken a dim view of suicide. There
are some who tell us that the person who commits suicide has no hope of
Heaven. They see suicide as the
ultimate act of defiance against God.
Make no mistake . . . suicide is sin. Matters of life and
death belong to God and God alone.
Suicide solves nothing. As it is
often said, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
But saying suicide is wrong and saying the person who
commits suicide forfeits any opportunity of heaven are two different matters.
The Bible says there is an unpardonable sin.
But that unpardonable sin is not suicide, it is an ultimate and final
rejection of God’s offer of forgiveness and new life in Christ. So, if suicide is not the “un-pardonable sin”
then it must be “pardonable”. It must
be something that God can forgive.
Suicide is generally an impulsive, illogical act. Often the person who commits suicide has
lost the ability to think rationally.
All they see is a seemingly hopeless situation that overwhelms their
life. They can’t see beyond the
problem. They don’t consider
repercussions. Some people who commit
suicide actually feel that the act of suicide will help them feel better when
they carry on their life tomorrow. They are not thinking straight.
We know that the young man who took his own life on
Sunday night was not the real Kyle Johnson.
This was not the same young man who spent his life thinking about
others. It was not the same young man
who saw life with uncommon clarity. Kyle
wasn’t thinking straight. God will not
condemn Kyle simply because he “lost his reason”.
This is an important matter so let me ask you some
questions. Do you think a person in a nursing home should go to hell because
they have become demanding, mean and sometimes say and do hurtful things? No. They are suffering from dementia. Their reasoning process has been
damaged. We know that God understands
their physical situation.
Do you think a person who has had brain cancer should go
to hell because their personality changes and they become abusive and reckless
in their living? No . . . We know, and
God knows, that these people are not themselves.
Isn’t suicide the same kind of situation? Do you think God will condemn someone to
hell because they weren’t thinking clearly and did something bad? I don’t.
God understands our situation.
God knows our heart. He sees our
confusion.
Please, let me be clear.
I am not saying that a person who commits suicide goes to Heaven. What I am saying is suicide is a
non-determinative factor in our eternal destiny. It has no bearing on whether or not we go to Heaven.
The Bible tells us that the determinative factor for
Heaven and Hell is how we respond to Jesus Christ. God has offered us forgiveness and a new beginning in life
because of the death of Christ on our behalf.
Our eternal destiny (whether we go to Heaven or Hell) is determined by
our response to God’s offer of salvation.
The person who receives Jesus Christ as Savior, and follows him as Lord,
is given new life in Christ. Our
response to Jesus is what determines whether we go to Heaven or Hell . . . not
how we die.
Pastor Greg will share with us about the faith of Kyle
Johnson. And it is on the basis of this
faith that we believe Kyle is with the Father in Heaven. We do not believe that this one wrong choice
changes the nature of God’s love and grace.
But there is another matter I want to talk to you about.
The thing that makes suicide so hard to live with is all the unanswered
questions.
1. Why did this happen?
2. Did I do something to cause this?
3. Could I have done something to prevent it?
We ask the questions, but
there is no way to find the answers.
The fact is, there are some questions in life that don’t seem to have
any answers. There are some circumstances in life that just don’t seem
fair. There are some things that will
never make sense on this side of eternity.
We wish it wasn’t so, but it is.
In response to these unanswered questions people seem to
respond in one of three ways. Some choose
to blame.
They blame other people (if you hadn’t done this . . . this wouldn’t have happened). They blame themselves ( If I hadn’t done, said, not done, not said this or that, if I had been a better friend, co-worker, parent, this wouldn’t have happened. ) Or they blame God. They cry out, “Where was God? Why didn’t God do something? Why didn’t God prevent this?”
Blame
is an attempt to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. It isn’t helpful and usually it is
destructive. These people insist on
probing for details and draw conclusions without all the facts. We don’t have all the facts. And we will never have all the facts. This is the time to pull together rather
than tear each other, and ourselves, apart.
Hopefully we will come out of this horrible time wiser and more
attentive to each other . . . but the blame game doesn’t help . . . it just
makes things worse.
A
second way of dealing with the unanswered questions is to become bitter and
withdraw. The people who respond this way conclude that nothing
matters. To avoid the pain of loss they
just stop caring. They shut down
emotionally. They refuse to love because
loving brings the risk of loss. These people withdraw from life and faith. Some of them spend the rest of their life
trying to numb themselves from the pain with alcohol and drugs. In essence, these people run away from
life. It’s another poor choice and it
just compounds the problem.
The
third alternative is the one I recommend today. Some people face the unanswered questions with faith and trust.
We have read, and will read some of the great promises of Scripture this afternoon. But, for me, there is one book in the Old Testament that I always turn to in times of confusion, and that is the book of Job.
The
book of Job is the story about a very good and godly man (named Job) who loses
everything. In a short period of time
his business is destroyed and his employees are killed, his ten children were
killed in a tornado, and his body was filled with disease and pain. Wave after wave of tragedy overwhelms
him. Each new messenger to the city
brings more bad news.
To
Job’s credit, he didn’t turn away from the Lord. He said, “Naked I came from the womb and naked I will return. . .
.the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.”
Job tried to hang on.
Job’s
friends suggested that Job was being punished by God (which is often what
people think when something bad happens.
We find ourselves asking, “what have I done to deserve this?”). The more they talked, the more confused Job
became. Job said, “If only I could
plead my case before God . . . if only God would explain things to me.”
Let’s
face it, wouldn’t that be nice today?
Wouldn’t it be great if God would just explain, Why? Wouldn’t it be great if God would show up
and answer just a few questions?
Wouldn’t it be great if God would tell us why He didn’t do something
that would keep Kyle from taking his life?
We hear about God’s intervention all the time . . . why didn’t He
intervene here?
That’s
the way Job felt. The book of Job is a
long and sometimes tedious book to read.
And at the end of the book, guess what?
God showed up! And God said, “Job,
I understand you have some questions for me.
But before I answer your questions, I want to ask a few of my own.”
Then
God begins with a machine gun like series of questions: Where were you when I made the world? Where were you when I put the stars in
place? Where were you when I created
the animals? Can you tell me where the
darkness goes when light comes? Can you
explain how the constellations came to be?
Can you explain the change in weather patterns? On and on the questions continue. Finally God asked Job, “Who are you to
question my wisdom?” And when God finished, Job apologized to God. He said, “I’m sorry, I should have known
better than to doubt your wisdom and Your love.”
That’s
how the book ends! God never answers
the questions of Job! God never
explains himself. But we are told that
Job lived happily ever-after.
The message is clear: In uncertain times we must trust the character, love and wisdom of God. In this time of heartache I sense God saying, “I know you don’t understand. I know this doesn’t make any sense. I wish I could explain it all to you . . . but you unable to understand what is happening. It is more complex than you can grasp. So, for now, all I can say, is “Trust me.”
I wish we had more.
I wish we had answers to our questions.
But we don’t. We are left to
decide whether we will turn away from God or run to Him and hold on tight. We are left to choose whether we will focus
on the confusing circumstances of life or the sure character of God.
It
has been helpful to me to affirm three simple truths:
God is in Control
God Loves Me
God Never Makes a Mistake
I hang on to these truths with every ounce of strength
that I have. This life is not all there
is. I don’t know why some things
happen, but I trust the one who leads the way. Suppose you are going to the home of someone who’s home you have
never been to before. Your friend is
giving you directions and you keep making turns that don’t seem to make
sense. At times you even feel like you
are traveling in the wrong direction.
But you trust your friend because he knows the way . . . and you don’t.
Life is like that.
We must trust the One who knows the way. We must trust God even when life seems to take a horribly wrong
turn like it has this week.
I encourage you to hang on tight. I hope you will choose
to learn from Kyle’s life instead of being paralyzed by his death. Over the past few days we have found
strength in being together. We have
been driven to prayer. We have
overlooked the petty things that often divide us. Our priorities have been placed into sharper focus. We have been reminded of how much family
means to us. We have seen the
importance of community. During these
last several days we have been reminded of our need for God. Let’s resolve not
to forget these things when the crisis has passed.
Please,
don’t let the manner of Kyle’s death keep you from cherishing the lessons of
his life. Kyle taught us many things:
We ache today. That is right and appropriate. Our tears are not a sign of weakness, they are an indication that we have lost something precious. Our tears reveal that we have been touched by the life of Kyle Johnson. And even though we hate the hurt, the questions, and the emptiness . . . . they are still to be preferred to never knowing Kyle at all. We are better people because of him. And we are grateful . . . even as we mourn.