Funeral for Toni Lee Unger
August 2, 2007
Comments from Lee Unger Comments
from Bruce Comments from
Lisa Nickerson Message
I still remember becoming a father for the
first time. For the first time in
my life I wondered if I was really up to the challenge. I was so happy and proud, but also a
little scared.
Toni Lee Unger was Glenda’s and my parents first grandchild. Although my father was mildly
disappointed not to have a grandson, everyone loved our little bundle of love. Ungers have pretty babies! Her round eyes and long eyelashes caused
everyone to swoon. Glenda and I
were so happy and proud.
The first floor of our home at the time made it possible to walk from
room to room in a circle. I
remember walking in circles for sometimes up to an hour to sooth little baby
Toni when she was cranky.
Having her in my arms was such a pleasure.
Toni very early learned to like stopping at
Pepsi, usually diet, became Toni’s favorite beverage. Later in life she changed to preferring
Diet Coke. Toni was never a coffee
drinker. Interestingly during her
final stay in the hospital her taste changed back to preferring Diet
Pepsi. Her last few days she lost
her taste for soda, preferring just plain water.
We have had many quality times with Toni during the past few weeks. Recently Toni told her mother that
“you had me an extra 35 years.” She was referring to the time that
Glenda ran over her with the car when she was only two. I was helping with a bus ministry at
church so Glenda and Toni went home without me. Glenda parked the car, a full sized
Oldsmobile, on the concrete driveway.
Apparently the transmission was not securely in drive, because the door
open knocked Toni from her mother’s arms, the left front tire of the car
ran over the torso of our toddler!
The tire marks on her white leotards provided a clear map of the path of
the tire. Toni went into shock, but
x-rays did not find any damage to our daughter!
Toni is the only one of our three children to ever visit
Toni was always a happy kid who liked school, but some parts of school
were better than others. In third
grade she filled out a work sheet that asked various questions such as:
“What do you like most about school?
What is the most important part of school? What is the hardest part of school?, etc. All of her answers were the same! “Math.”
All of our children worked detassling corn, except Toni was the only one
to stick it out for the entire season.
She often needed extra encouragement at first, but once she became fully
involved she was in for the duration.
She had a paper route for many years in Blandinsville delivering the
Macomb Journal. While we helped her
some, she did much of the work herself.
During her High School years she attended basketball camp at
At
Though not a straight “A” student, Toni studied very hard
and was honored for her achievement by being inducted into the “National
Honor Society” during her Senior year. She did her own work, but I did do her
typing (and proofing) for her. Toni
never did get good at the keyboard.
Toni was never one to ask for much.
During her High School years we would give her a “five” when
she went to a football game and she would give us four dollars in change. I don’t think she would have
complained if we hadn’t given her any money.
She was the only one of our children who rode the bus all four years of
high school. Toni was not a
complainer and never wanted to be a bother to anyone.
It was my desire that Toni attend a
During the three semesters Toni was in school in
When she returned home to finish her education at
Toni celebrated 17 years at Wal-Mart May 27th of this
year. One of her goals was to make
it twenty! June 2 of this year was
her last day to work. Water
retention was making it impossible for her to be on her feet. June 18 she took her last shower as we
left for
Cities to attempt a medical measure to extend her life. It did not work. She returned home June 23, but in less
than twenty-four hours we were on our way to
During her final hospitalization, we had many quality times. We all agreed that we wanted quality rather than quantity, but little
did realize that the quantity of days ahead in this world was so few. During her final days, Toni expressed
many goals, most of which she never accomplished.
She expressed her desire to have one more trip to a
Toni wore button pictures of her two nieces, Olivia and Laurel, on her
work clothes. They were very
special to her. She once expressed
her desire to live long enough to see the new baby that is due in December, but
that too became just a pipe dream.
When the staff at Heartland asked her want her goals were, she stated
that her parents would like her to get strong enough to go home. Toni wanted that more for us than for
herself. It soon became clear to
her that home in Heaven was more realistic.
Sunday afternoon, June 15, Toni was in an unusually reflective
mood. She really got everything
said that she wanted to get “off her chest.” Much of what she talked about was very
personal, but it was clear that she wanted everything right before she left
this life. Glenda and I were not
planning to stay late, but we just couldn’t leave with Toni having so
much that she needed to say. We
left at 10:30 p.m. and got a call soon after we arrived home from the nurses
stating that we should return. We
really thought that was going to be Toni’s departure from this life.
We had several false alarms after that, but Thursday morning, July 26,
things were different. The Hospice
Nurse told us that there was definitely a change and that in her opinion she
had a couple of days left. The next
afternoon with all of her immediate family gathered around her bed she breathed
her last breath.
About a week earlier, Toni told me that she had a peace about her
dying. She said, “I think you
and mom can take it.” About a
week before that Toni had expressed her apprehension that “we were dying
around her” because of the long hours we were spending by her bed in the
hospital. Even in her final hours,
Toni cared more about us than her own physical circumstances.
Our daughter was prepared for Heaven and was looking forward to it. We are confident of her faith in Jesus
and are looking forward to the day when we will be reunited with her. In the mean time, we will never forget
that big smile. Toni always saw the
glass half full.
Like so many people, I saw Toni Unger frequently when I was in Wal-Mart
over the years, but I didn’t really get a chance to get acquainted with
her until she was in the hospital these last few weeks. Over the past several weeks I have
learned some things about her that I want to share with you. At the end of my “verbal snapshots”
we are going to give you a chance to share some of your quick pictures of
Toni. Maybe you have a quick story
or a special memory of Toni this afternoon that you will share to help us
celebrate and thank God for her life.
I think you can use a number of words to describe Toni Lee Unger but
each of them only catches a part of who she was. She was a friend, she was content, she
was compassionate, she was a woman of faith, and she was a survivor.
Toni gave her heart to Christ when she was just five years old at a
Good News Club. She was baptized as
a teenager. She wasn’t outspoken about her faith but she made every
effort to try to live out what she believed. If you had a need, Toni would try
to meet that need.
Toni was one of those people (like the majority of us, I guess) who
never belonged to the so-called “in crowd”. Yet, she was one of those people that
everyone enjoyed having around. She
enjoyed being with people but was also perfectly content to be at home. Having sometimes been the outsider, she
was especially sensitive to those people that others might overlook.
Academics didn’t come easy for Toni. She had to work hard to get good
grades. In her senior year she met
the requirements and was voted in to the National Honor Society. She went on to
Toni Unger was a woman who accepted and enjoyed life. She loved all the people she got to see
and enjoy (most of the time) at Wal-Mart.
She loved to watch people. She was always watching what other people
were buying because she was fascinated with new things that were on the
market. Toni collected all kinds of
little trinkets and had boxes of different kinds of notebooks, paper, and
pens. She was an avid journal
keeper. She loved writing down
recipes and buying recipe books. She had a joy within her that allowed her to
enjoy life in whatever circumstance she found herself. One of her friends said she “had
the fragrance of God . . . she had his heart.”
For 12 years Toni dealt with pain of all different kinds. She was an
incredibly strong person. Though
her own body was destroying itself, Toni refused to give in. Though many of us might have chosen to
go the route of disability, Toni chose to keep working. She worked until June 2nd. She wasn’t one who was interested
in hand-outs.
Toni loved her family. She
enjoyed those times when she traveled to
Toni had a tender heart but also had a good sense of humor. She loved to sing all kinds of
music. She liked to dance with her
mom while they were in the car. She
enjoyed playing her “air guitar”. When she was driving behind a painfully
slow car she might show her exasperation by saying, “Ancient Chinese
Secret: Drive Faster”. She
and Dustin would laugh on occasion when they heard the number 219. If you convert 2 and 19 to their
corresponding letters in the alphabet, you have the letters B and S. So, 219 was a way of saying someone was
lying to you or they weren’t doing their job.
Toni created good will in those around her. She was a giver and not a taker. It is not that she wasn’t wounded
by the things other people did to her.
She just chose not to hold a grudge. She refused to let others dictate how
she would enjoy life.
As she approached her death it is impossible for us to know the fears she
faced and the pain she endured. We
would have understood if she was bitter.
But she was not. She faced death not as an enemy but as a friend. She told me that she was tired. She was ready “to go home”
to be with the Lord. She was ready
to get her new body. With the
Apostle Paul she was able to say, “for me, to live is Christ, and to die
is gain”. She knew what was
ahead and faced it like she did everything else in her life: with courage. I suspect that Toni Unger will enjoy
Heaven to the fullest . . . just like she lived her life.
I was one of those
greeted by Toni’s bright smile at Wal-mart, having had the privilege of
working with her at the store for six years. We quickly formed a friendship that
extended outside the front doors of Wal-mart. I was blessed to meet and come to know
her family as well-partly through Lee’s substituting at
I learned that Toni
was someone who could be confided in.
I even let her in on a secret past-time of mine-coloring books! This week I searched through a drawer
hoping to find some artwork of Toni’s. I found two-I know they are hers,
because I always ask people to sign their coloring book masterpieces.
Whether we were
chatting over crayons on the floor in my living room, car-pooling to Wal-mart
when Toni would go 12 miles out of her way to rescue this friend with a bum
car, or enjoying a weekend trip to my parents, it was obvious that Toni was a
true friend that I could share my heart with. We had some similar life situations and
experiences beyond our place of employment-both of us were oldest siblings and
preacher’s daughters. Both of
us had attended
I moved away some
years ago from western
she went to
heaven. He gave me her cell
phone number and after hanging up with Lee I called Toni. I kept our conversation brief as I sensed her
struggle to breathe. I asked if it
was okay to come see her on Saturday and offered to bring a chick flick for us
to watch together, but let her know that I would be just as happy sitting with
her and catching up.
After we hung up, I
remembered something else that we had both struggled with. Neither one of us had dated much and
often wondered if God would ever bring the right man our direction.
In my heart I
wondered what I could possibly bring or do for Toni that would return the
blessing she had poured over me by getting in contact again. In speaking with my mom later, I told
her how much I wanted to tell Toni a couple of sweet love stories that had
happened to my siblings, whom she had met.
I wanted to tell her of my own developing love story that appeared to be
in progress. My mom questioned
whether that might sadden Toni or any of her family members. I let my mom know that I had no
intentions of leaving it at that-I wanted to remind Toni that she had a true
love story of her own.
People have long
thought that the Bible’s Song of Solomon was a portrait of Christ’s
love for His bride, the church.
Knowing this and
knowing Toni made a decision to be part of His bride, we can read the following
excerpts from Song of Solomon to understand more of the romance between Toni
and Christ.
First, Toni had
captured His heart. Song of Solomon
4:9 says, “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen
my heart.” His heart
wasn’t the only heart caught-Toni’s heart was captivated when she
made the decision to invite Jesus into that heart and accepted Him as her
Savior.
Next, Christ was
taken by her beauty. Song of
Solomon tells us in chapter 4 verse 7, “All beautiful you are, my
darling; there is no flaw in you.”
Not everyone who is beautiful outwardly is just as pretty on the inside,
but this is where Toni’s beauty began.
Third, Christ had
extended an invitation to her requesting the pleasure of her company at dinner.
“He has taken me to the banquet hall…,” Song of Solomon 2:4, talks
about this invitation.
Additional verses
of scripture tell us even more about His love for Toni:
His love for her is
the only perfect, everlasting love. (See I Corinthians 13)
He loved her so
much he was willing to lay down His life for her. I John 3:16 says “This is how we
know what love is: Jesus Christ
laid down his life for us…”
Christ has had
beautiful garments and a place prepared for Toni. “…He has clothed me with
garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness…”
(Isaiah 61:10) Jesus promised her,
“…I have gone to prepare a place for you…” (John 14:2)
Beth Moore gives us
a unique picture of Christ’s excitement over His bride in her book Things Pondered:
“Nothing has
been more difficult for Christ than the marriage to His bride, yet Jude 24 says
He’ll present her to His Father with great joy! The Greek root word is Agailliao. It means ‘to show one’s joy
by leaping and skipping denoting excessive or ecstatic joy and delight!’
Just picture it. After all the ups
and downs in the relationship, after all the marriage has cost Him, He’ll
act like a love-struck boy introducing his girl to his dad for the very first
time. Why? Because He thinks she was worth
it.”
Christ’s love
for Toni was shouted in the majesty of mountains and the ocean wave’s
crash. He serenaded her in the
chorus of morning birds. His love
was delivered to her in bouquets of pastel spring flowers and the rich
earthtones of autumn leaves. He
sought her long before she made the decision to choose Him, but she DID choose
Him.
Her friends and
family will sorely miss her, but we can “rejoice and be glad” as in
Revelation 19:7 because THIS bride had made herself ready to meet her
bridegroom in the early afternoon of July 27. She is also looking forward to dancing
and feasting at a wedding reception that was paid for in full 2,000 years ago.
Toni-no bride is
complete without a bouquet and today you are surrounded by them. We want you to know that your family and
friends have caught the fragrance of your bouquet and will carry it forever in
our hearts.
I want to briefly share with you two passages from the Bible that seem
to be appropriate for Toni Unger.
The first is from Philippians 4:12-13. The Apostle Paul wrote,
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know
what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and
every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in
want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Toni could have just as easily have written these words. Contentment comes from cherishing what we have in life. It is enjoying where you are instead of whining about where you wish you were. It is trusting God’s wisdom and love even when life isn’t going the way you had expected. It is knowing that we can face all things through Christ. That’s the kind of life Toni lived.
The second passage is also from Paul. He wrote this in his second letter to the Corinthians, chapter 4
We are hard pressed on every side, but not
crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not
abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around
in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed
in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to
death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal
body.
A few verse later Paul explains his attitude. He said,
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though
outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal
glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what
is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is
unseen is eternal.
Paul never pretended that life was easy. He acknowledged that sometimes life is
hard. However, even though he was
hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down . . . he was not
defeated. Paul viewed those
assaults that came at him as “light and momentary troubles that were
achieving an eternal glory that made the trials seem like nothing.” Paul said the key to this attitude was
to “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.” Isn’t that the same kind of focus
we saw in Toni? In the midst of all
her problems, she looked past the pain.
Her focus was on Jesus.
Paul followed his words with the familiar words that begin 2
Corinthians 5,
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live
in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not
built by human hands.
What fitting words these are for Toni Unger. She could have moped around and felt
sorry for herself but she didn’t.
She could have spent her life complaining but instead she chose to keep
climbing the mountains that were placed before her. She understood that life had a purpose
even if she didn’t understand what that purpose was. We mourn her loss. We wonder about the trials of her life;
those mountains that she continually had to climb. Yet, because of her attitude, because
she focused on Jesus, she not only climbed those mountains . . . but I think
she saw things and understood things that those of us who never face the
mountains can never appreciate.
As we gather to mourn and to reflect today WE must keep our eyes fixed
on Jesus. We must remember that
though our loss is great, Toni’s gain is so much greater. Toni Unger understood that this life was
not all that there is. She trusted
Jesus as her Savior. She understood
that on the basis of His death, her sin was forgiven. Because of His resurrection she could
have a new relationship with God in the present, and she would spend eternity
enjoying His presence in the future.
That future has arrived for Toni.
Some people think that the message of life beyond the grave is wishful
thinking. They believe that such
talk is our way of coping with horrible loss. I believe these people are
wrong. Our hope of Heaven is based
on Jesus. He claimed to be God, He
demonstrated that He was God, and He told us that His words would help us to
know God. His death was foretold by
the prophets and also by his own words.
His resurrection was a one of a kind event. This one who said He could
lead us to life beyond the grave, came back from the grave Himself.
All other religious leaders are still in their graves. Their words may have been sincere and
even insightful, but they cannot lead us to life beyond the grave. Only the promise of Jesus can lead us to
life. O
The Bible says that those who put their trust in Him will live even
though they die. That is the
promise we hold on to today. Today
in our sadness we must remember that we grieve today for our loss . . . not
hers. Toni has been set free. She is cured. She is home. She has lost nothing; she has gained
everything. We need to fix our eyes
on Heaven and the pain of loss will become more bearable.
In the book 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN the author recounts his experience of
Heaven after a devastating car crash.
He says Heaven was more beautiful than anything he has ever seen. It was a place filled with music and he
was greeted by the significant people of His life. In his vision the man was drawn toward
the gate with the warm light behind it.
There were no thoughts of regret, only feelings of welcome and
belonging. He was moving toward the
gate when he was brought back to life.
I don’t know whether this man really went to Heaven or not. And you don’t know either. However, his vision seems to square with what the Bible teaches us. Joni Eareckson spends most of her life in a wheelchair. Her legs are lifeless and her arms are limited in what they can do. Joni spends a lot of time thinking about the transformation of the body. She imagines what it will be like,
One day no more
bulging middles or balding tops. No varicose veins or crow's-feet. No more
cellulite or support hose. Forget the thunder thighs and highway hips. Just a
quick leapfrog over the tombstone and it's the body you've always dreamed of.
Fit and trim, smooth and sleek. [Eareckson, HEAVEN p. 34]
The Bible likens our resurrected body to the
transformation that takes place when a seed is planted in the ground, or when a
caterpillar comes out of the cocoon as a butterfly. The transformation
that takes place is something that we can't understand. Eareckson
writes,
trying to understand what our bodies will be like in heaven is much like expecting an acorn to understand his destiny of roots, bark, branches, and leaves. Or asking a caterpillar to appreciate flying. Or a peach pit to fathom being fragrant. Or a coconut to grasp what it means to sway in the ocean breeze. Our eternal bodies will be so grand, so glorious, that we can only catch a fleeting glimpse of the splendor to come. [Eareckson, HEAVEN p. 39]
What I want you to see is that the key to how we face this day is
determined by your focus. Whether today is seen as the end or as the beginning;
defeat or victory; depends upon what you are looking at.
Jesus said, “come to me all you are weary and heavily burdened,
and I will give you rest.”
That’s His invitation to You today. Put your confidence in Him. Believe His promise. Dare to believe that there is more to
this life than what we see and feel. If you do this, you won’t
miss Toni any less, but you won’t have to worry about her either. In those times of grief you will draw
comfort from the fact that those who put their trust in Christ will see her
again and we will have all eternity to catch up on lost time.
Toni Unger will be missed. She will be missed as a friend, as a
sibling, as a daughter, and she will be missed as a breath of life in an all
too dreary world. As we conclude we
would do well to remind ourselves of some of the lessons she tried to teach us,
May God help us to learn the lessons well and to be grateful for his
teacher, Toni Unger.
[SONG]
Let’s pray together,
Our Father, we
thank you for the life of Toni Unger.
As we stand here before this young body we can’t help but feel
that this is wrong. Yet, we see as
through a glass that has been darkened.
So help us to hold on to You.
Help us to find our way through the confusion that is caused by our
grief. Help us to find contentment,
even in this.
We
are so grateful for the life and the example of Toni Unger. You touched us through her life. You used her to help us see a deeper
value in life. In her, we met You
in a new way. Thank you for her
life. Grant us a portion of her
spirit and her sense of compassion.
I thank you for
her faith. Thank you for loving
us. Thank you for sending Christ
Jesus. Thank you for His sacrifice,
His instruction, and the resurrected life that gives us hope and confidence
even in the face of death.
So
please wrap your loving arms around Toni.
Let her know how much she has impacted our lives. Grant her the joy and freedom that you
have promised to those who believe.
And in those times of our deep grief, I ask that you replace the
memories of suffering and loss with a vision of Toni now set free from pain and
limitation. Help us to see her
smiling and dancing before You. Work in our hearts so that our faith might be
truly placed in your mercy and your grace so that we might be able to live with
a new sense of anticipation, perspective, and contentment. We ask these things in the strong name
of Jesus Christ, our Savior and our King.
Amen
Comments from Lee Unger Comments
from Bruce Comments from
Lisa Nickerson Message